I’ve fucked up bad. I wrecked things with my girlfriend and my best friend. I did everything I could to fix it, except one thing. I have to stop feeling bad about myself. I can’t hate myself if I want them back. That’s why I haven’t been around. I think I’m going to have to leave this blog alone for a little longer. I need to feel better about myself.
- I gained back the weight I lost, so now I’m back to 175. I can’t seem to find a way back to that girl I used to be. I’m getting so fat.
- I completely lost motivation to lose weight. I just don’t know what to do now or how to hide it. People watch me now. But I have cheer twice a week and dance twice too so hopefully that’ll help. I guess I’ll have to stop being such a pig.
- My parents are fighting. Enough said.
- I’m not even sure I want to live. I just want to disappear. Pretty much everyone hates me. It’s not so much that I want to die, I just want to be gone. To start over somewhere no one knows me. To be alone. I want to cease to exist in the eyes of the world.
- The guidance counselor thinks I’m addicted to painkillers. My friends told on me. She’s been watching me and she called my parents. Thank god they think I’m fine. My friends think I’m lying to them about it how many pills I take, but really how am I supposed to trust them if they’ll run off to the guidance counselor. I wish I knew what to say to make them believe me again.
- My once best friend hates me cause I don’t care about anything now and other stuff apparently. My girlfriend is taking her side. She won’t hate me for it, unlike the other one. They won’t even tell me what I did. It’s great how I was there for her when no one else was but she’d give up on me in the blink of an eye. Says a lot about how much everybody cares. We all fight a lot now. I think it might be my fault. After all, I am a liar. Why should she care?
